The feeling of loss
If you were to ask me a year ago what my biggest fear in life would be, I would have said to have all the things I love in my life be taken away from me. Currently, I have moved away from a place I call home, a church I call home, my friends, my job and my university. I feel as though I am mourning the loss of my life as I knew it. When praying through these feelings over the past few weeks I have been brought back to Psalm 130 over and over again. The Psalmist is yearning for the Lord’s presence, and this is coming from a place of discomfort. This resonates with my longing to feel the Lord’s presence at the moment.
Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord; Lord, heat my voice. V1-2
The certainty of God’s love
What has become apparent over the past few weeks when reflecting on this Psalm is that the uncertainty that I feel to be true about God’s love, given the current situation, is not what the reality is. God’s love is unfailing and importantly unchanging, it does not alter based on our perception of it, or our fear of rejection from God because of our sin. It remains stable – how amazing is that?
Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with him is full redemption. V7-8
A fresh perspective
When school finished, I couldn’t wait to go to university. Now at university I can’t wait to finish and do my postgraduate degree. Currently, I am applying for trainee solicitor jobs starting in September 2022!
Before COVID, I was applying for summer internships in leading law firms, attending interviews and eagerly awaiting replies. With all of that being stripped away, I have had to refocus my mind on what I am actually waiting for and I urge you in this time to do the same. Even if you are not a student, it is easy to see how obsessed we can become with the success of our careers, achievements or even our family.
Psalm 130 has been so important in recalibrating and refreshing my mind and soul. It is not the next thing in my career that will satisfy my longing. My soul is longing for satisfaction that only being with the Father can bring. Ultimately, we are waiting for the return of the Lord.
I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope. V5
Taking the time to recognise this has been extremely valuable in my relationship with God.
As a student, getting into a bible study routine over this period has been so helpful in keeping my focus and longings driven towards the return of Christ. Doing 1-1 bible studies with a few friends has also opened up opportunities to have discussions about the struggle for certainty that we are all facing. And now in this time I am eagerly waiting for the return of the Lord – even praying for it!
Being a student is not an excuse to become self-obsessed with career aspirations which could easily become idols. The disruption of my university experience is a stark reminder that God has given us the opportunity to study and he can easily take it away. All of our career achievements are his, given to us by his grace to show his glory.
I wait for the Lord more than the watchmen wait for the morning, V6
A time for Longing
I am sitting writing this in a time of waiting. Waiting for university to restart, my work to reopen, to see my friends and to get back to church. However, these things only point to the yearning that is in our hearts as we wait for the Lord. I want to encourage you to see these periods of waiting as students (and others) as a period of time to refocus your mind on God and his steadfast grace and love towards you.
