Loneliness is an awful reminder that something is wrong with our world. Many of us know that to be a personal struggle. For some, it might be things unique to covid – You are isolated from family or friends. Activities and classes cancelled so you no longer see people regularly. It might even be the acute pain of loss of a loved one.
It also could be unrelated to covid. Loss of friendships or life changes. Or you are simply finding life hard. Whatever the case may be for you: Here are some truths I’ve found helpful to turn to in loneliness.
The pain of loneliness is real
‘Do your best to come to me quickly’ – 2 Timothy 4:9
Let me reintroduce you to the Apostle Paul. This is a man who was – among other things – ship-wrecked, bitten by a poisonous snake, and imprisoned. Given his zeal for the faith and the church, it’s difficult to imagine him being lonely. 2 Timothy is his last ever letter. He knows death is coming. It’s a letter of triumph. “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race.”
But he’s also lonely. He begs his friend Timothy to come soon (4:9,21). Does this surprise you? It did for me. This is a man who says he knows what it is to be in plenty and in want. That he can do all things through Christ who strengthens him. And yet – He lets out a whimper. We might not be facing loneliness due to persecution like Paul. But it’s still okay to admit to being lonely. The Apostle Paul wasn’t embarrassed by his pain. He was honest about the raw reality he was facing. We can be too.
It is outside of your control
I used to think I could master loneliness. (Humble – I know). I used to think that with good social skills and a lot of effort I would never be lonely again.
This nonsense was easily demolished. I moved to a new city. This job involved working evenings and my day off was a Thursday. Therefore, I couldn’t join any clubs or groups to meet people. I was miles away from anyone I knew and felt completely alone.
I failed to accept my circumstance was outside of my control. I blamed myself. I blamed my use of social media. So I quit Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat. For 6 months. (Drastic times – Drastic measures).
Social media is often blamed for making people lonely. As if you close your laptop and look up to find real life friends waving at you outside your window. Life doesn’t work like that. Friendships are hard work. Whether close by or far away. And coming off social media made long distance friendships even trickier.
This isn’t a sob story. It’s just to demonstrate that loneliness isn’t one phase of life. It might just be a recurring theme. It’s not a phase you will grow out of. Our lives are not in our hands; they’re in His hands. This shouldn’t scare us because we know a God who is in control. He sees and knows all things – and he cares.
Loneliness can be an amazing opportunity
“There should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it” – 1 Corinthians 12:25
Loneliness taught me to make friends with people I would rarely give a chance.
One thing I realised, is that when I was growing up, I was encouraged to look for Christians my own age. Otherwise I would be lonely. This was a blinkered view of Church. And because I was always focused on finding people in my stage of life, it restricted me for years.
Lately I’ve learnt that I can (and should) have strong relationships with members of the church who are at a completely different age and stage to me. It might be that you are struggling to find Christian friends – and have been for years. And you want to keep growing in your faith.
Maybe ask a youth leader or if you can have an older member of the church read the bible with you over Zoom. Ask to tutor another family’s child younger than you in a subject. Do this with wisdom and appropriately of course, but think outside of the box. Serve others. You’ll learn a lot about yourself and about God.
We have a unique hope
‘I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth… I will not leave you as orphans.’ (John 14:16-18)
You might be feeling lonely in the midst of following Jesus, or even because of following Jesus. Either way, know that He is by your side. There are people in your life who do not have this relationship with God. They are facing a greater loneliness by being without Jesus.
The message we have is this: we are not alone. We have a God who walked among us to call us back to Himself. And Paul, despite his loneliness, never lost sight of sharing that truth.
I hope you find people who know and love you well. In fact, I pray that you do. It is a gift that God often loves to give us. But no matter what: He is with you by His Spirit. This should be a great comfort, and one we can pray others will know too.
Rosie lives in Norwich. She enjoys poetry and eating pastries. Her favourite lockdown activity is exercising with Joe Wicks on a Monday morning.
