I spend a shameful amount of time scrolling through my Instagram feed, and a large proportion of my attention is drawn to the world of mummy bloggers and influencers. Tips on how to get your child to eat broccoli and how to make cloud dough (hair conditioner and corn flour, who would have thought) make for an interesting read in my book. But as with all things social media although some things are harmless or even helpful, others can really creep in and damage our thinking processes. One of the more harmful topics pushed on me by well meaning motherhood gurus is the importance of “SELF CARE”.
It takes various forms but the message is always the same: “I can’t be a good mum unless I put myself first”. As I read them I become more and more dissatisfied with the never ending nappy changing and interrupted trips to the loo. I begin to feel sorry for myself, resent the good gifts the Lord has blessed me with and begin to long for this elusive “me time”.
Now there’s nothing inherently wrong with caring for our bodies with rest and exercise nor is it inherently bad to have time away from your children – we have benefited greatly from kind Church family who have sent us out for dinner whilst offering up their babysitting credentials- but there is something uncomfortably me-focused about this approach to parenting. And it begs the question- does this conflict with our Biblical calling?
The “me first approach” is quite the opposite of God’s love. His love is a self-giving, sacrificial, to the point of death kind of love.
“Me first, then you” is not the Gospel way. The Gospel way is “You first, me last”, it is “me POURED OUT for you”. It is the way of the Lord Jesus who “being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, rather He emptied Himself by taking on the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Philippians 2). To follow this King, to be made like Him is to die to self. To empty oneself for the sake of others.
In my season of life that means to put my children’s needs above my own. It is to love them by serving them, with joy and humility- knowing that the Lord is doing a work in me as I plod along drawing Disney princesses (my best is Belle) and changing nappies. He sees us, He works in us and He changes us as we learn to follow His way of laying our lives down for others.
So whether we are caring for toddlers or teenagers, elderly relatives or spending extra energy on a difficult friendship- giving of yourself is a glorious, worthy, Jesus-like thing to do. As we do it, by His grace, we will find our hearts filled not with our own joy robbing self pity, but with the rich love of Christ, which fills our hearts and overflows out to those God has placed around us to love.
