Your non-Christian friend asks you what you did this weekend and you have two choices: tell them about your family walk on Saturday or what you learnt at Church on Sunday. You’ve been having a class discussion and someone’s asked your opinion knowing you’ll have a Christian point of view. How do we talk to our friends about Jesus? How do we bring them the gospel with as little fluffing of words and awkwardness as possible?
Our starting point should be the apostle Peter’s words in 1 Peter 3:15 “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.”
There’s loads we could say, whole books and training courses have been written on it so we’re not going to be able to cover it all. But sometimes, I think taking the simple approach is better. Something that’s easily memorable in the heat of the moment when you have to make that split second decision whether or not you’re going to talk about your faith. Here’s what I’ve come up with, your cheat sheet for discussing the gospel with your friends is – PALS. Pray. Ask. Listen. Speak. PALS.
‘If you’re talking to your pals about Jesus, just think: PALS’. I admit it couldn’t be cheesier but if it’s catchy and easy to remember then I think I’m okay with cheesy. Bear with me for a few paragraphs more and let me explain what I’m talking about.
Pray
You’ve found yourself in a potential gospel conversation and today feels like the day to go for it so the first thing to do is PRAY.
“…do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say, for it will not be you speaking, but the spirit of your Father speaking through you.” (Matthew 10:19-20). Remembering that we aren’t alone is a great comfort, we have the Holy Spirit living in us always and will be speaking through us as we speak to others when we ask for help. As we are talking or plucking up the courage to start talking we can pray a short prayer for the right words to speak and a sympathetic, listening ear of your friend. To be honest I usually pray that I wouldn’t make a total fool of myself in that split second before taking a breath and going for it!
Knowing we can’t do it by ourselves keeps us humble and reliant on the Lord. Starting from a position of trust that it’s the Lord who brings people to himself means straight away there is less pressure to have the most persuasive argument or have the perfect conversation. Pray before, pray during, pray after.
Ask
You’ve prayed and you’re ready to dive in…but before you go into your mental filing system and download all the information you’ve ever gathered on how to talk about suffering or same sex marriage it’s best to know what they are thinking. And the best way to know what they are thinking is to ASK.
I’d say for the most part, our friends aren’t trying to catch us out but want to know our views on a topic because they are interested. Asking them questions can help to get your head in the game, give you a bit of time to breathe and actually help you know where they are coming from. Ask them what their view point is; ask where they heard about the subject – school, Instagram, TikTok; ask how they came to their conclusion.
You may find that because their family believes something, they’ve always just gone along with that rather than have their own convictions. Maybe they’re asking because it’s a really painful personal issue for them, they are hurting and want help. Ask them so that you are informed but also ask them because it’ll show you care about them rather than just getting the conversation over and done with.
Listen
And once you’ve asked. LISTEN.
And I mean really listen, there is no point asking if you’re going to zone out and say your own pre-prepared gospel presentation regardless, is it? Listening means you get to understand what’s going on in their minds. You can decide what angle to take things from or where you have similar or different views. Listening is also helping you know whether this is the right time to bring up everything or they actually just need a friend who isn’t going to judge them but just be there to listen first.
Christians should be the ones more open to hearing and supporting someone in their hurt and pain because we know there is a hope that’s bigger than us. Jesus says to his first believers “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33) Or you may actually find you have more thought in common than first expected but have come to different outcomes in the end. It’s obvious but listening shows that you care, which should just be standard behaviour of being a friend to anyone at any time!
Speak
You’ve prayed, asked, listened and so now it’s time to SPEAK.
And don’t be daunted by it. Talking about Jesus can feel like a huge thing to us because we don’t want to mess it up but remember that to your friend this is probably just a normal conversation! Start small, pick up on something they said and ask them a few more questions about it or tell them you found what they said about this part specifically interesting and go down a smaller path rather than trying to fit everything in all at once.
Remember they are your friends and the likelihood of them never speaking to you again if you do a rubbish job is very small! You also aren’t trying to forcefully win an argument. No one can be argued into the kingdom of God. You might want to use a small bit of something like 2 Ways 2 Live, which is an easy to remember gospel outline. Having something like that in your head is helpful but using bits of it makes it feel less like a speech and much more like a normal conversation.
Need more?
There’s always more we could be doing to prepare for that moment when someone asks you a question. You could read up on or listen to a few sermons on some common objections of Christianity. Or speak to your Christian friends about times that they have been asked questions which might just help keep you all accountable to want to take the opportunities to speak to your friends about Jesus.
What you could do with your Christian friends is practice on each other. Think of some topics that might come up and then try to explain it to them without using lots of Christian jargon words (the big words that don’t really mean anything unless you’ve grown up in the church). It’s ok if you don’t know the answer, and it’s also ok to admit that in practice or when you’re actually talking to a non christian friend!
Tell them you’ll think about it and get back to them. Then actually go and speak to your youth leader, a parent or church minister and actually go back and bring up the conversation with your friend again. It might feel labour intensive but it’s worth it when we’re thinking about caring for people and helping them get to the bottom of their understanding of a Christian’s perspective on a subject.
If you get the opportunity to talk to your pals about Jesus just think: PALS. Pray, Ask, Listen, Speak. And if you miss one opportunity don’t beat yourself up but be ready for the next one and don’t let that one slip by without trying PALS.
Resources: 2 Ways 2 Live - https://twowaystolive.com Be Thinking - https://www.bethinking.org A.S.K - David Robinson Top 100 Questions Remix - Richard Bewes
