My parents have an amazing capacity for caring for others. As I was growing up they’d have visitors to stay for a couple of nights, they’d have students back to ours for lunch after church and they’d make time for people when they rang up late at night and needed to chat about a problem they were having. As a child I saw first hand what it’s like to be hospitable and I can’t thank my parents enough for their Godly example. I remember my mum often saying ‘I’ll just stick a bit more stock in the soup’ or ‘I’m sure we can rustle something up’ whenever I asked, usually last minute, whether or not a friend could come for dinner. The notion of not having enough food was never a worry for her, there was always something that could be made, even if it did mean that the portions were slightly smaller for everyone round the table!
Through having people over at the house, I learnt from a young age that everyone has a story to tell, that we can all learn from one another and that even if it doesn’t seem like we have much in common the differences can lead us to understand another culture and grow. I’m sure most people would say that hospitality is more beneficial for the one receiving but I know first hand the joy and privilege it is to be the host too.
The heart of hospitality
I guess with this experience of hospitality, I always assumed that I would follow in my parents’ footsteps, get married and show hospitality as husband and wife. I spent my student days living at home so continued to enjoy hosting people with my parents. But what would hospitality look like without home comforts and as a single person? It wasn’t until I was living away from home, working with students for a year with a flatmate that I spread my hospitality wings. I’d decided, along with my flatmate, that it would be good to have an open door policy – students were free to come over whenever to chat, hang out, eat. If they needed honest and serious, we could do that, if they just needed a laugh and a switch off from the world we were here for that too!
The biggest thing I’ve learnt about hospitality is about just being yourself and letting people into your life. It’s just sharing with them who you are and caring for them practically with friendship and food. The obstacles like not having a tidy house or not having enough time shouldn’t stop you. We all need to eat and a house that doesn’t look like a show home will often make people feel more relaxed! When we invite people into our space, we can feel self-conscious but I’m convinced that the little bit of uncomfortableness is totally outweighed by the friendships and conversations that can be formed over a cuppa and a comfy chair.
The flexibility of Hospitality
But what if you’re not really in a position to have people in your home for whatever reason that may be? This was me about a year ago when I bought and moved into my first flat on my own. It was a proper fixer-upper, from needing a central heating system installed to full-on replastering the living room. I’d spent months thinking about having people over and looking forward to being hospitable but this flat wasn’t for being ready for guests any time soon. It wouldn’t have been fair to bring anyone back to a flat full of dust and half finished rooms even if I gave them all rose tinted glasses so I needed to come up with a plan to still be hospitable but in a way that worked in the here and now.
But here’s the thing, hospitality is flexible. Hospitality can take place outside of your home. In my case, I figured that my ability to buy food and cook for people hadn’t been lost since buying a flat so I decided to take the food to them. The beauty of this plan meant that I could still enjoy fellowship with people and give them a night off the cooking. Even more so, I could now cook for families that wouldn’t have easily fitted round my dinner table. Ironically the point at which I felt least able to be hospitable was filled with opportunities to cook for people!
It doesn’t have to be perfect
Things have settled down now, but there is still a small part of me thinking I can’t be hospitable – this time it’s not the dust and lack of comfy seats, it’s the lack of an oven that doesn’t trip the electrics when the stove top is heating up! My dilemma now is whether I’m getting house proud by not wanting people to see the flat until it’s completed and ‘perfect’. For many this can be a barrier to hospitality. You may compare your small flat to your parents home or even other people in your Church who have amazing decor and cook amazing food. It then slowly becomes a comparison and pride issue.
Here’s the thing, we’ll never be fully happy with our houses, there will always be a project or a plan still to be finished. We can’t wait until our lives are perfect and finished before we let people in and share our lives with them because if we did that no one would ever make it through the front door! Our ability to let go of all the ideals and just let it happen can be tested when we invite people into our homes but it’s worth the risk I promise! How much better is it for people to see a difference when they come a second time and that the wall has been painted or there’s pictures on the wall. I’m still a work in progress as much as my flat is so I may as well let people in for a front row seat on the journey!
Getting started:
- Ask someone on a night when you’re already doing something with them later like a bible study or meeting. This makes it less of a ‘thing’ and makes it feel more casual. We all need to eat at some point!
- Host with a friend first, one of you can be doing the cooking and the other can be helping the conversation flow. Added bonus: then there’s someone to help with the clear up.
- Know your limits, if you only have enough seats for 4 people round your table then start small!
- The food doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive, some of the best meals I’ve had have been as simple as baked potatoes or cheese toasties and soup. Get a basic cookbook if you have no idea or ask for help from people in your Church, they will gladly help.
- Think outside the box, if your place can’t cope with a whole family then ask them whether you could cook for them and bring the pot/ingredients to theirs. Especially for families with little kids, this can take the stress out of leaving the house as the kids still have all their toys round about them.
Don’t make being single an excuse not to share your life and be hospitable. Don’t think that you’re too young or your cooking needs to improve before you ask people over. Just start and see what happens! Hospitality doesn’t just benefit the receiver, there’s just as much to be gained as the host.
