When I was 17, I ventured out with a group of my friends from school on a 6th year holiday.
I had planned that the whole week was going to be spent relaxing by the pool or beach and enjoying meals out together. But I gained so much more than I bargained for from the trip. The book that I read on this holiday would come to change my perspective on friendship for the rest of my life.
I brought with me a book by Vaughan Roberts called “True Friendship”. Somewhat nervously, sunbathing by the pool I took the book out of my bag as I began reading, and I realised I was leaving an ideal relaxing holiday behind as I was challenged by the book.
Friendship will always be marred by sin
The first chapter, “true friendship is crucial”, focused on God’s relationship with humanity. It showed how perfectly God made us in the beginning to be in a relationship with him and how sin entering the world broke this relationship. The stain of sin extends, rotting the roots of our friendships. This was hugely challenging for me. It made me realise that no matter how much time and effort you invest into a relationship, there will always be difficulty. This applies to both Christian and non-Christian friendships. As someone who strives for perfection and harmony in all aspects of life, this was a difficult pill for me to swallow.
But we are still made for community
Another theme from the book that has shaped me was the realisation that our relationship with God involves community. We cannot shy away from friendships or relationships for fear of rejection or hurt, it is part of the deal. We must invest in friendships that will strengthen our union with Christ. This challenged me to think about those who I am in community with. Am I investing my time in unfruitful friendships or in spiritual communities where my faith will be strengthened? Christian friendship is a journey of self-sacrificial love, and involves learning how to love our friends regardless of our perceptions of them spiritually or otherwise.
So why is this important, three years on?
The importance of Christian friendships at University
I am glad that before moving to university, I had the notion of finding lasting Christian friendships and prayed for them. Graciously God has provided me with some great Christian friends who are encouraging and also a challenge to my faith. When I had happened upon a great Christian group of friends, I thought ‘this is perfect’.
But, as with everything in life, there are difficulties within those friendships, none of them are perfect. Comparison, jealousy and gossip are often rife. However, what is so distinct about these friendships is our ability to recognise each other as fallen beings. Our ability to come to each other and to God and ask forgiveness for any wrongdoings we have done to one another. This is at the heart of living a godly life and of having fulfilling friendships.
My advice to anyone starting university and thinking about building friendships would be:
1. Get stuck into a local church- here you will meet loads of people (perhaps only virtually) of different ages and stages and you may make lasting friends.
2. Get involved in your university Christian Union – however remember that this is not the be all and end all if you don’t feel as though you fit in.
3. Strengthen your prayer life- finding friends when you move away from home can be daunting, especially as they can become your ‘family’. Stay focussed on God and being in a good friendship with him, as that is the most important thing you can do.
