Disappointment is inevitable. I’m sorry if that news is disappointing.
But feeling disappointment about certain circumstances is a sad but common part of life.
To give an example, I was an “A+ student” in high school, but when University came around and some of my grades did not reach my standards, I felt disappointed. I felt like I had failed, that I wasn’t good enough, that I had fallen off.
The problem with feeling disappointment is that it can very easily go from feeling upset and lamenting to God to feelings of unrighteous anger towards God if we aren’t careful. So if disappointment is inevitable, how do we go about dealing with it in a godly and healthy way?
1) Recognising our Broken Selves and our Broken World
When considering why disappointment is inevitable, it doesn’t take long when reading the bible to discover the heart of the problem. In Genesis 3, we read of Adam and Eve’s rebellion against God and how they were cast out of the Garden of Eden because they broke their personal relationship with God.
This is where sin enters the world; sin by definition is doing wrong things against God and others. In other words, it is disappointing God and others.
If we are Christians, we recognise that our world is broken. We have all sinned against a Holy God which causes each of us to sin against each other. And despite us knowing on one level that we are sinful, we often fail to remember our own failings when others disappoint us.
As Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 7, ‘First take out the plank in your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.’ Jesus here is challenging our go-to response when someone does something wrong against us–that is us judging them and becoming hypocritical. Instead, we are called to reflect on our own sin, on our own failings and take out the ‘plank’ in our own eye.
When you are disappointed by others, remind yourself of how God forgives you of all your sins and how you should share that grace with others. Remember how Jesus called us to ‘turn the other cheek’ and to ‘forgive as you have been forgiven.’
People will disappoint us. We will also disappoint others. Remember that everyone, including you, is sinful and falls short of God’s holy standards. So we should be reflective and repent of our sin, gentle and gracious with those who disappoint us and thankful to God who forgives us our sins and never disappoints us.
2) Knowing where to find fulfilment
But sometimes as Christians, we face disappointment that isn’t caused directly by others. Sometimes we are disappointed at things out of our control–we are disappointed at unexpected grades, failed job applications or general feelings of unfulfillment.
To go about dealing with this kind of disappointment, we need to remember that we live in a society which often rejects God. We live in a culture that makes idols out of wealth, success and self, and social media tries to persuade us to follow these gods. We live in a world that is bound to disappoint us eventually because it is ridden with sin. The world with all of its possessions and promises will never be able to truly satisfy us.
Bad grades and missed opportunities are disappointing, but we must view these things in the bigger picture and with an eternal perspective. School, work and success are not inherently bad things, but they shouldn’t be viewed as the end all be all. These aspects of our lives are temporary, so they shouldn’t consume us and make us lose sight of the aspects of our lives that are eternal.
I think that it is important every once in a while to assess our disappointment scale. What do we value so highly that if we lost it for good we wouldn’t just be disappointed, but distraught? Do we cling to worldly things more than we do to Jesus?
Jesus came to earth to defeat sin and death. He got rid of the ultimate disappointment of eternal separation between man and God. So do we face disappointment in the here and now in the bigger picture of knowing that one day we will no longer be disappointed, but completely content in heaven with Christ? Do we look to Jesus for fulfilment or do we look to worldly things that will inevitably disappoint us?
Fix your eyes on Jesus and find fulfilment in him who knows everything about you, died out of love for you and will never disappoint you.
