Change is part of life, and most of us don’t really like it. We’re used to the status quo, reasonably comfortable, or at very least able to cope with how things are – the known, the familiar, the safe. Or even if it isn’t comfortable, still it’s what we know – to change might make things even worse. And the older we get, the less we like change. This is how I do it. “This is the best way” becomes “this is the only way”.
After thirty years serving as a mission partner in Pakistan, I transitioned back home to the UK some years ago. Boy, was that a change! From a position of leadership and responsibility, from making decisions that affected numerous people, from being where people came for advice, to discuss, to network – to being ‘retired’. From community living where I could knock on several folks’ doors, go in for a chat, a coffee, a meal and where people came similarly to my door, – to living in a small flat, one of eight in a block where I barely knew my neighbours. The specific roles disappeared; no longer ‘known’ I become an ‘unknown’. It felt like my very identity had been taken away. How to cope with such massive change?
Understanding your identity
The first thing to do is to ask “What is my identity?” As a Christian the answer to that comes from the Word of God, the Bible. John’s Gospel chapter 1 verse 12 tells me that I am a “child of God” because I have believed in the Name of Jesus. Through the finished work of salvation that Jesus accomplished for me by dying on the cross for my sins and failures and rising again victorious over sin and death, I become a child of God.
That cannot and does not change. My role may change, but who I am fundamentally does not change. “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever” (Hebrews 13:8). He is the solid Rock that holds me together. However deep down into a pit of uncertainty and insecurity I fall, that Rock is always always under me. Many things may change around me – the people, the culture, the food, the sounds, the smells – but this one Person never changes. I had that verse up in my kitchen for months before I left. It is still up in my lounge today.
Addressing the Change from a Safe Place
From that place of secure identity, I could begin to address the fact that my roles had changed. Changed significantly. I began to realise that even from within those major changes there were aspects of life that could be carried over. It is usual to feel a degree of initial numbness, disorientation, it is after all akin to bereavement. Some of the same responses that face a bereaved person will emerge – confusion, regret, sorrow, anger, looking back with longing on what has been lost. Some of the change involves the loss of things and people that were precious, routines that were meaningful, work that was fulfilling.
Therefore, whatever your situation of change, it is essential to allow yourself time and space. Be kind to yourself. Don’t expect miracles overnight. Whatever the change in your circumstances, it will take time, sometimes a long time to adjust, to accept. Slowly some of the constants will begin to emerge – areas where you can use certain skills perhaps in a different way. This is where family support and good friends are invaluable. It is never too late to develop good friendships. They are like the guy ropes of a tent helping to hold you together until the time when the unfamiliar finally becomes the familiar. Be honest with them, and allow them to be honest with you. Over time, perhaps quite suddenly you realise that you feel ‘at home’ in the new circumstance. The gifts and abilities that you used in the former place morph into the new situation and you enjoy using them. You can give thanks, rejoice and sing with the Psalmist,
Lord you have assigned me my portion and my cup: You have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; Surely I have a delightful inheritance.’ Psalm 16:5,6.
Perseverance
Rome wasn’t built in a night. Life is a journey, and on a journey there is always change, a moving forward, new horizons, changed circumstances, new challenges. As a child of God we do not walk that journey alone. In the scary places, in the comfortable places, in the dark valleys and on the mountaintops, there is always One who walks the journey with us; One who repeatedly reassured Moses and Joshua at times of massive change in their lives, “Be strong and courageous…I will never leave you nor forsake you.’ (Joshua 1:5,6). From such a perspective change can become exhilarating.
