What is one-to-one discipleship?
What we are talking about here has a variety of different names – one-to-one’s, mentoring, discipling relationships. Some of the names can seem more intimidating than others. But essentially one-to-one discipleship is a wonderful way for two women to encourage one another to love Jesus more and to grow in his likeness as they read the Bible and pray together.
They are often an older woman coming alongside a younger woman. It is important to say there may be times when an older woman isn’t necessarily in age. It can be about the maturity of someone’s faith. As a result, by God’s grace, every Christian is capable of discipling someone in some way. Every person is generally able to disciple a less mature Christian and to be discipled by a more mature Christian. We can always be challenged to grow in godliness, and we are always able to help someone else and encourage them to keep going.
Why is one-to-one discipleship so important?
When we become a Christian, we enter God’s family, the church. Your church is a local expression of that family. We are all grafted into Jesus as brothers and sisters, calling out to his Father as our Father, in the unity of the Spirit. We belong to one another in the same way that toes belong to feet, or the body to the head.
One consequence of being part of this body is that our maturing in Christ is corporate – “we are to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is Christ” (Ephesians 4:15b). Surprisingly, growth is a community project.
We also see examples of these types of relationships in the New Testament. Jesus deliberately focused on a group of only twelve and concentrated on teaching these individuals above all others he met. Jesus’ strategy for reaching the world was to first reach a small group in a thorough way – so in time through them he would reach the world.
We see a similar strategy when we look at Paul’s ministry. Paul focuses on Timothy, then Titus, before leaving them to lead their own church when they have become mature enough to do so.
One-to-one relationships are also at the heart of the instructions Paul gives Titus in chapter 2 of his letter. The local church disciples God’s people by firstly teaching them to obey all that Jesus commanded. Paul then shows Titus that this sound doctrine is not only to be taught by him but is also to be taught in the context of relationships. Older men and older women have the responsibility to share with and teach the younger men and women.
Therefore, in one-to-one ministry we want people to be rooted and established in Christ, confident in their faith and growing in love and godliness as they know God better, so that the body of Christ is build up and matured as members serve one another, so that God, being seen and worshipped for who he really is, is glorified.
Essential elements of one-to-one discipleship
There are four elements which make up a good discipling relationship.
- Reading together
Reading a book of the Bible is an excellent place to start, as growth as Christians happens by hearing God’s word, in dependence on the Spirit. However, it can be helpful to work through a Christian book together. These can be good when you want to look at something more topical. When reading a book, take it a chapter at a time and discuss it each time you meet.
2. Praying together
Prayer is a vital part of Christian ministry and therefore of one-to-one discipleship.
Before you dive into the passage, at the start of your meeting, ask God to help both of you to hear and understand his Word. Change cannot happen on our own strength, but only in the light of the gospel and by the power of the Holy Spirit at work in us.
End your time together by thanking God for the things you have learned from the Bible passage, and by asking for his help to obey his word and change those things that need changing. Resist the temptation to rush into personal prayer. Let your prayer at the end of the meeting really dwell on the Bible passage you’ve just read and discussed. Once you’ve done this, do ask for personal prayer points. This can be a time when you find out more about what is going on in that person’s life.
Make sure to also follow up with them in what they ask prayer for. If they share something they are struggling with, it can make a difference knowing you are praying for them. If you come across a verse which you think might encourage them, share it with them.
3. Accountability
A healthy one-to-one discipleship relationship will be characterised by increasing levels of openness and trust. Both people are ultimately accountable to God and under the authority of his word. But the commitment to help one another to grow in Christian maturity means that you both become accountable to one another – the kind of accountability between two sisters who want to see each other flourish in Christ.
Here are some areas which are helpful to talk about:
- Gossip/speech
- Money
- Relationships/marriage/children
- Leisure time
- Fruit of the Spirit
4. Sharing life
It is important to share life with the person you are doing a one-to-one with. Invite them round for lunch, go to the cinema. When we share life, there will need to be boundaries, but it is also important to develop the relationship. Have fun together.
Whether you’ve been involved in one-to-one discipleship before or not, why don’t you take time to pray, asking if the time is right for you to start one with someone? In my experience these relationships are ones of mutual encouragement. You won’t regret reading the Bible and praying with another woman.
