Suffering well – because we must

We ended last time by realising that when Jesus died on the cross, something far greater than the disciples could imagine had been planned all the time. The grief and despair the disciples felt, turned to joy and victory when Jesus rose from the dead. The challenge for us was – could this event possibly change our view and way of suffering?

Again, it’s tricky. None of us want to suffer in life. Suffering brings us face to face with our own fallenness and that of our fallen world. We don’t understand what is going on, there seems to be no reasoning, and sometimes we have a visceral reaction to loss and pain that leaves us feeling completely disoriented and abandoned. It’s at this point we must consider who we are before God, and what we are going to trust during our trial. Whose voice will I listen to – that of the world, the flesh, or of Satan? Maybe these questions will help…

• Do I believe God is good and true?
• Is my faith in the outcome I desire, or in God himself?
• Do I trust my unknown future to an all-knowing God?
• Am I depending on God, or on my own strength?
• Have I been trusting in the gifts I’ve been given, or in the Giver?
• Do I believe God has a higher purpose that I may not necessarily understand?
• Do I understand what the Bible says about suffering? 

There is a danger that we can fall into one of two unhelpful ways of thinking. The first way is that “suffering is everything” – where suffering becomes our identity. Despite great suffering, such as being widowed, depressed, anxious, abused, or chronically ill, our identity is not in any of these things. For the Christian, our identity is in Christ – who we are in Jesus. We belong to him. 

The second unhelpful way of thinking is that “suffering is nothing”. We are human beings – we have emotions such as joy, sorrow, grief, pain, anger, etc., When suffering and hardship come, we can’t just “get over it”. We must acknowledge our God-given feelings in any situation and bring them to God. 

It’s easy, isn’t it, when we go through a period of suffering to forget who God is and what he has called us? We become so wrapped up in our circumstances that we forget to lift our eyes to the God who is not only with us but also for us. If we turn away from God in our suffering, then we turn towards anger, guilt, shame, darkness, and suppressed silence. But we want our emotions to drive us to the Lord, not where they want to go. The Lord can handle them. The Bible shows us how to incorporate our faith with grief – it is called lament.

“Lament is a prayer in pain that leads to trust.” Mark Vroegop 

Lament is a pathway to intimacy with God. It is a prayer for God to act. Jeremiah, Job and Isaiah offered laments with honest, anguished cries. Jesus, who had the greatest reason of all for grief, brings that sorrow to his Father (Matthew 26:39-44; 27:46). So too, we lament when our hearts are broken. In doing so, we renew our faith, rather than go down a cul-de-sac of sorrow.

* There is an example of a lament at the end of the article.

How to make it better

• Remember who we are in Christ. Our identity is not in our suffering, nor are we defined by our hardship and suffering. No one can take our identity as a child of the King away from us. 
• Remember to ask God for help – day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute as necessary. We may not know how to ask, but the Holy Spirit turns our groanings into words.
• Remember God is continuing to work in us and through us. God is carrying out his plan for us, and that plan was in place before the foundation of the world.
• Remember that nothing we experience here on earth can be compared with the eternal good that God is doing for us, and in us, by his grace.
• Remember that we are never alone. He has promised never to leave or forsake us.
• Remember he gives more grace, and it never runs dry.
• Remember we are loved by our heavenly Father, and nothing can separate us from that love. 

The believer can rejoice in the fact that there is purpose in our suffering. This same suffering is not replaced by joy – rather it turns to joy (see Esther 9:22; Jeremiah 31:13; John 16:20).

Help others in their suffering

When we believe this for ourselves, we can bring it to others. Drawing alongside someone who is suffering can be difficult. Their suffering may drain us of time, energy and other resources. It can be lengthy, deep and exhausting – we have no idea how to support them. But ask yourself these questions when dealing with others:

• Am I prepared to weep with those who weep? Acknowledge their hurt and pain?
• Do I really know all the ways in which they are suffering?
• Have I listened to them, and connected with them in their struggle?
• What would it look like to love this person as a brother or sister?
• Could I help them to structure their day in a way that would be helpful to them?
• Are there ways I can help them to see a bigger picture of life?
• Am I pointing them to Jesus and the hope we have because of him?

We can then share some of the truths that we have enjoyed in our own lives. It can be difficult to know, however, how best to approach someone in their suffering. As always, pray first, then move towards the person. We might say something like: 

• I’m so sorry, I am praying for you. This is our most basic and helpful communication to someone who is suffering.
• I will not grow tired of you speaking to me about your suffering/grief/sorrow/loss. 
• Text me any time to ask me to pray. I will drop everything to do that for you. This tells the person that they can ask for help without having to engage in lengthy discussions.
• I’ll buy you dinner. Whether it is a meal at a restaurant, a doughnut in a café, or a takeaway in front of a film, people appreciate kindnesses like this – they feel supported, less alone.
• Thinking of you today. Send a text some mornings – let them know they are in your thoughts. 

Sometimes we have nothing to cling to apart from the certainty that heaven will heal the hurt. Jesus is our only consolation – and we don’t get Jesus on our terms. But we can have his peace and his presence when we turn to him in faith and hope.

Lament through Psalm 13

For the director of music. A psalm of David.

1 How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?

2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?

David is being honest with God. This is his complaint – pointing out his disappointment, his pain, sadness, and feelings of defeat.

Rewrite these verses in your own words, making it personal to you.

Tell God your disappointments, your struggle with sin, what is painful to you, your feelings of sadness and what makes you feel defeated.

3 Look on me and answer, LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,

4 and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

This is David’s request. He knows God is the One he must turn to, that God is the One who can help him. He asks God to help him with the deeper matters of the heart that he’s struggling with.

What are the things you need God to help you with? What is the danger you face here? Who/what are your enemies? (Often our enemies are feelings such as fear, helplessness, envy, anger, regret, etc, rather than people.)

5 But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.

6 I will sing the LORD’s praise, for he has been good to me.

David shows his trust in God – he ends with full confidence in God’s protection and unfailing love. He’s been re-oriented to see God is on the throne. His future is certain because of this truth.

What fills David with joy? What fills you with joy?

Can you re-write these verses to include what you have been rescued from and how the Lord is good to you? Praise God for giving you this psalm.

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